Life Under the Sun

I went to visit Connections Church today.  I loved it.  It's safe to say I genuinely enjoyed the service there.  The space and group of followers they have their is very intimate.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I had an extreme spiritual awakening or anything, but I definitely felt comfortable.  Many times I'll visit churches and something is just "off."  And so I'll make excuses for the reasons why I'm not as comfortable as I should be or I'll go and visit again until I'm used to whatever may be foreign to me.  I'll say, "Oh, this isn't normal to me because I haven't been reading the Bible, but God wants me to reach this point and become as One within this church body."  Right?  After visiting this church, I've accepted that everyone really does worship differently and that will play a role in where you worship.  I went into this church and I didn't have to question anything.  Everything just felt right.  I didn't feel like I had to "try" at all; I was just there being and learning about God.  

I saw the interpreter on stage signing the worship songs when I came in.  I took a seat in the middle portion of the church area.  They do a community discussion which lasts about 5 minutes after the worship which was different.  I don't think many churches do that.  Unless it's like in the Episcopal church when they give Peace to one another.  This lady named Mary came and spoke with me.  We were to discuss questions regarding:  When was the last time we had thought about the meaning of life?  We also talked and kind of got to know one another.  (The structure of the service actually kind of reminded me of InterVarsity, which kind of put me on edge seeing as I felt that was somewhat clique-y in college, but a more "adult" InterVarsity, I guess).

After the community chat, we listened to the speaker.  I thought this was ironic because they were ending their series on "Time."  This is the very thing that I've mostly been blogging about lately.  The theme today was "Life Under the Sun" and the message was based on Ecclesiastes.  The speaker talked about Solomon writes that the things that we live for are so meaningless.  To anyone reading this it's rather depressing, but as he continues, Solomon is so wise that he embeds in his writing a clue.  It is everything "under the sun" that is meaningless and troubling.  In that box that we put ourselves of black and white, A and B, yes and no.  The speaker pointed out in Ecclesiastes 3:11 "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.  He has planted eternity in the human heart..."  The speaker discussed that eternity that he puts within us is something that's always there that keeps us hoping for something better.  That's the mystery of God.  That is what we must live for outside of this box of "under the sun."  I am by no means doing the speaker justice in his delivery of the message, but it was really eye-opening to see how we are leveraging our time to find God not from "under the sun" but outside of that box.  

A few of the members of the church introduced themselves to me which was really nice.  After the service, I met the interpreter, Kathy, and Lanny, the member whom they sign for.  They both are very friendly.  The guy who I had e-mailed about visiting, Scott, came and introduced himself to me as well and he let me know about the young adult ministry.  I signed up to go to their super bowl party next Sunday so I'm excited about that.  Kathy let me know that they receive the set of how the service will run 4 days in advance and I told her I'd be more than willing to help out and she could send the songs so I could take a look.  I told her I'd e-mail her and let her know what I was thinking as far as interpreting because I understand that going to church and receiving the message should be first and foremost.  I'm thinking I'll start off small and sign announcements songs or something.  

But I really did enjoy the service.  I guess it's like people say..."when you know, you know!"  I was so excited about being there and I let them all know how much I enjoyed it before leaving.  I look forward to going back next week and pursuing their young adult ministry, that's for sure!   

"Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands." ~Blue Like Jazz 

BBM.

BBM doesn't stand for BlackBerry Messenger.  It stands for Blessed Beyond Measure.  It's weekends and in general--days like the past week that I've had that remind me how blessed I am and how wonderful life can be if you let it and create it that way for yourself.  As my recent posts may have suggested, I've really been trying to be consistent in creating more opportunities for myself and being more productive.  I've been doing just that.  The goal now is to be consistent.  This past week and weekend has been just great from: going to the park, spending time with my friend/co-worker, trying new recipes and making dinner for a close friend, going to Bible study and exploring the Bible further, having a much needed sleepover with two new friends and a breakfast outing, and of course going to dinner and ComedyWorx with Ricky was a highlight to the weekend.  I know the previous sentence was a significant run-on sentence, but there are so many good people and good things in life and I'm excited about these moments.  Having these people and events in life are often what drive me and motivate me to be successful in other areas of my life.  It's almost as if I'm working hard for myself because I want to grow as a person, educator, role model, etc, but also when these successes are reached I know I can celebrate it and share it with some of the people I care about most doing the things we most enjoy.  Establishing those times for myself are so important to me now.  Especially since I'm still young, living in a fairly new area, and have a good amount of free time, I want to be able get some more life experience under my belt.  I want to be able to look back and say, "Yeah, I did that...I went there.  I even made a mistake a time or two."  Not:  "I didn't try that...I was too tired."  While I've got time, I'll make the time to create the moments I can with the people I care about.  That's one of the reasons why I'm working so hard....to enjoy life.

On another note, I'm extremely excited about visiting this church tomorrow.  It has a deaf ministry and I would be more than willing to become with them.  They may be also looking for some volunteer sign language interpreters for their morning service.  I have a good feeling about this, but we'll see.

My first grade student's birthday is tomorrow.  I hope he's having a party or something.  I'm not sure.  I bought him two little gifts to give to him on Monday.  I want to bring him a few cupcakes during his resource class so I may do that too.  He's a sweet kid and he deserves it and plus I have only 3 students so I figure it doesn't hurt to spoil each of them.  =]

Oh, and I'm almost done with the book of Matthew.  I'm really stoked about that too...I'm learning a lot about Jesus's life and his core teachings and how the parables he tells relate to how we should have faith.  I hope I get a good vibe from the church I visit tomorrow.  I'm really enjoying studying the Bible.

Compliment Others.

So, I was just sitting here in between "Family Guy" commercials and thinking to myself (as I often have plenty of time to do) about how I often am not confident about how good of a job I am doing teaching.  It's really easy to compare myself according to other teachers' standards.  So often you hear, "Oh, he/she is so good with that student."  Or the occasional, "That student has come a long way because of Mrs. so-and-so."  It makes me wonder if staff members say positive things about me when I'm not around.  I don't have the most outgoing personality so it's hard to think positively in this regard sometimes.  There are days when I feel like I'm a rock-star teacher and there are days when I know deep down (and I'm sure many professionals can attest to this...) I'm trying to get by.  I know it all goes back to one of those age-old sayings we've ingrained in ourselves since we were kids, "Don't worry what others say about you...those people aren't your friends..."  Something to that effect.  But I'm human and female....therefore I do a lot of feeling and worrying!  Especially in a new job where my first few years I'm setting out to not only make a difference, but prove myself, I kind of have to care what people think about me.  Honestly, being in the workforce these few months has made me realize this is how our society is so oddly shaped:  to critique others.  I see it all the time in one of the main classrooms I work in.  Staff members are constantly making commentary about others, both positive and negative--especially negative.

So back to my point--I want to be highlighted as positive when it comes to the critiquing.  Again, it does rely on me to proving myself and that's up to me to do that.  But as I was sitting here waiting for "Family Guy" to come back on, I realized that as long as commentary and critiquing plays a huge role in the workforce, I want to play a part by spreading my positivity and adding my share of compliments.  After all, what you get is what you give, right?  I want to be supportive of my colleagues and students and commend them on their efforts and successes alike.  I think that showing that piece of myself to others does do some good in this often times disheartening system known as the workforce.  I didn't see it before, but that's simply what everyone is doing: they're spreading the love and accentuating the positives of the day.  I shouldn't be let down because I'm not the "star" but know that I'm doing my best and am appreciated by the fact that I am not doing my work for the glory of it all, but for the benefit and reward that my students will receive in their outcomes.      

Peaceful Parks.

I went to the park today.  It was the most relaxing thing I've done in awhile.  Just being by myself...walking along some of the trails.  Anyway, let me rewind some.

Today, was really good.  Reflecting on it...better than most.  Not that most of my days are bad, but it was mainly because it was one of those days where I didn't have the same routine.  My lil girl was incredibly sweet today.  It's so odd; there are days when she just.....well.....we'll say a challenge....but then there are days like today where I could just hug her forever because of how adorable and smart she is.  She's such a happy little girl.

My lil guy wasn't here this afternoon so I was able to stay at my base school all day.  Since I didn't go see my lil guy, I went and pulled my newest student who happens to be a fifth grader.  I must say it was quite different having a student who was able to carry on a conversation with me--and a very mature one at that.  Yet of course, it was rather comical being she was my height and during our entire one-on-one session I felt like I was talking to one of my girlfriends.  She was the nicest girl though; I wish I was able to see and work with her more often, but her needs are extremely minimal.

After school, I kind of randomly decided to go to this park in Wake Forest that I looked up online.  I know if I go straight home after school I'll just crash and take a nap and that's what I'm trying to avoid.  Anyway, I headed to Joyner Park and it is absolutely gorgeous.  I'll have to post pictures later, but my camera is in the living room and I'm too lazy to go get it...hah.  This park has these long walking trails, gorgeous view of the sunset, bridges, swings, and just and overall wonderful scenery to take in on a cool or warm afternoon.  This might be my new place to spend time to think, read, or meditate from time to time.  It was incredibly relaxing to just walk around a little while and refresh myself from the day.  Side note:  I think I'm going to get married at a park one day....I think it suits me.  

Paradise.

This evening, one of my co-workers/friends (co-workers still sounds so foreign to me!), Martha came over and we had a lovely dinner of my famous dish: "Hamburger Helper!"  Ta-da!  haha.  Really though, I dominate hamburger helper.  We talked about life, the parts of our pasts we try to forget (boys, ugh), work and school, and our beyond awesome students!  Woot!  [Can you tell I'm getting tired as I am using more exclamations?] We watched our weekly fix of Switched at Birth....whoo...drama!

Anyway, it's been a really good day.  I'm working on being more productive with my time and not spending it sleeping.  I'm trying to be more physically healthy by watching what I put into my body and I'm really trying to exercise even a little bit everyday.  I've been eating out way too much and need to chill with that.  Baby steps.  I really want to up the ante with my signing skills again too.  That will be my next big "move."  I was showing Martha some signs tonight and it made me miss it....again.

I just realized tomorrow is only Wednesday.  I feel like it should be Thursday.  Oh well...wishful thinking.  Here's hoping that I go to bed much earlier than I did the night before.

How to be Alone.

I need to occupy my time.  This brings me back to my blog.  I think I have at least two other open blogs online, another being recent.  Since being in Raleigh I've connected and reconnected with so many people and been to so many places.  However, I need to find what makes ME happy and pursue them.
I know there are the basics.  I love:
1) signing
2) dancing
3) languages
4) watching movies
5) yoga and fitness
6) parks
7) arts and crafts
8) jokes, riddles, puns
9) music (i.e. piano)
10) children
11) coffee shops

I need to figure out a way to become involved in my interests so that I'm not left feeling empty and wondering at the end of the day...what do I have a passion for?  What do I know about?  What excites me?  I've been studying the Bible off and on and I feel like having my own personal interests and experiences would help me better understand the things I'm reading in the Bible.  Not to mention, I live by myself so I want to be able to function effectively by myself and spend my time productively when I am alone.

Other activities I would like to become involved in:
1) P90X
2) Cooking
3) Writing letters
4) Politics
5) Staying in close contact with family
6) Blogging
7) Studying the Bible
8) Traveling (mostly to visit friends/family)
9) Crocheting
10) ASL videos

I think what I need first is motivation.  I need an accountability buddy.  I need to resist the urge to coop myself indoors and go out and explore, even if alone.  Not to say that I'm some social recluse, but I just need to utilize my time better.  So this is the beginning.  I'm hoping this change will have a positive effect on my job performance, outlook, physical being, and mental well-being.

"The quietest people have the loudest minds."