All Grown Up.

So, we changed my student's transportation from the EC bus to the regular bus.  I saw him get on the regular bus this afternoon to leave for home and it literally felt like seeing him go off to college.  He looked so grown up getting onto the big bus!

#tear

Funk.

I've been going through a funk this week.  I'm having one of those "behind on life/woe is me" moments.  I've been terribly unmotivated and the fact that work keeps piling up isn't really helping.  This week it's as if as soon as I finish getting over one hurdle, another one shows itself.  It's been a rather draining week.  I haven't really felt like going out much this weekend and have been snacking a whole bunch.  I find myself in these periods every now and then, but I really have to get back in my groove before Monday.  I've just been watching movies all day, snacking, and eating.  It's nice to relax, but at the same time it's not knowing I have so much that needs to get done.  Hopefully, I'll find some energy in the next hour or so.  I need to clean, finish filing my taxes, pay bills, lesson plan, shop, etc.

Anyway, there's always tomorrow.  I should go to the park or something today.  It's so nice outside.  Windy, but nice.  

Fab Feb

If anything is constant, it would be change.  So much has happened in the month of February.  I can't believe the month is almost gone by.  Recap: I had my first IEP meeting, I got a new student, caught up with my favorite terps one weekend, went to Winter Jam in Greensboro, we have 2 new EC teachers at my base school and as a result I have a new "classroom," had a Snow Day!, celebrated the 100th day of school, gave an in-service presentation, my nieces birthday was yesterday, my sister's birthday is Friday, Valentine's Day was last week, the Super Bowl was a couple weeks ago, went to my first tea room in downtown WF, went to a V-day dance, I've interpreted twice at Connections Church, went home to see my parents, had my car fixed, etc.  It's really been a busy month.

Right now my schedule has undergone so many changes and interruptions that I'm trying to regain my footing and stability again.  Being that I have a new room--I'm sharing a space with the OT and PT now--my routine is somewhat thrown all out of whack now.  My new space--I can't really call it a room seeing as I'm never in there and I'm sharing it with 2 other people occasionally--is incredibly far for me to take my students for their one-on-one time and for reading time so I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of bringing them down there for instruction or making my home in other teachers' classrooms.  I'm by no means ungrateful of my new space, most DHH teachers are itinerant and live out of their car, it's just taking some time readjusting and finding a new routine that works for me.  I need to find an alternative to carrying around 20-30lb. bags because my back and neck can't take it anymore.

Also, I'm trying desperately to stay caught up with my middle school student.  His teachers move through the curriculum super fast so by time I get there in the afternoon to spend my all too short 60 minutes with him, I feel like there's not enough time to teach him something new or I'm not entirely familiar with what his new subject matter is, but I have to reinforce what they've done in his class.  I feel like my one-on-one time has become a tutoring time to recap on what he's already done that day.  Obviously, I'm kind of reluctant about this, but as we review his paperwork hopefully things will become more clear as to how we should be serving him.

There's been so many changes at my base school.  And I'm not normally a big fan of change so I'm definitely having to go with the flow on this one.  Anyway, 2 new EC teachers were hired to cover the self-contained special needs class.  We have one EC self-contained class so we split them in half (2 rooms; which is why I lost my room).  The teachers are great.  Easy to get along with.  Eager and motivated.  I can definitely see how the students will benefit from having teachers with a background in EC instructing the classes.  It's just been a wonky past two days of adjustment for everyone.  I suppose it will get easier as time goes on.  Mostly since I've been displaced from my room, I'm having to keep materials close by and have items handy.  It's been especially tricky for me.

The paperwork is probably the more stressful aspect of the job.  I need to redo a part of my IEP from the beginning of this month.  That's been a bit of a headache, but hopefully by Friday it will all be taken care of.  Otherwise, I have another IEP coming up beginning of March and trying to figure out what needs to be done concerning my new student.

I gave an in-service presentation yesterday at the middle school regarding working with DHH students.  I felt extremely good about it!  I was so excited I had to text my "boss."  I'm so excited for this new student and I think it really came across in the presentation.  I just hope the rest of the teachers can steadily get on board with motivating and including him.

Oh, and I had my 3rd observation and that went exceptionally well I would say.  Finally, the administrator came in on one of my better lessons.

At church we've been talking about the background of the Bible; what happened in the beginning.  It's been really interesting.  We talked about how Adam and Eve were naked and how they were innocent and didn't notice this until they ate from the tree of good and evil.  So when they did notice God realized they were hiding and gave them protection through the cloth he made for them and later that innocence was restored through Jesus Christ dying for our sins.  (Of course, these are my thoughts paraphrased).  But I've been really enjoying the church.  We've talked about as humans we're designed for an intimate relationship with: nature, God, and other people.  We've talked about how Adam and Eve were innocent in the beginning because they walked with God and were secure.  It was that way so long ago, but we're so far from that now, that we must have to work to not hide ourselves from God by becoming closer to Christ.

I wanted to ramble about life some.  This is February.  And it's not even over yet.

There's just so much to do.  Just thinking about it makes me tired and not want to do any of it.  I need to write/phone parents to touch base on student progress, make copies of basic signs for teachers, draft IEP goals, make data sheets (ugh...data will be the death of me), lesson plan (always), fill out a reference, deliver some thank you cards, organize the ridiculous stack of paper and materials I've accumulated since the start of the school year (Ugh, don't even want to go there), etc.  I figured sitting on the couch blogging and watching TV was a good start to the afternoon.  

Wish me luck.  ;)

Passion.

Passion has always been such a vague concept to me.  How do you really know you have passion for something?  Sure, I love people, things, places, activities, and the like.  But passion? Having that fiery burning feeling about something that excites me has always been hard for me.  I'm an extremely laid-back person and when I get excited about something it's spontaneous and unexpected.  It's few and far between so when it happens I've come to find--in my case--it's genuine.

Recently I think I am redefining and relearning what it means to be passionate.  That excited, consistent feeling you have about something.  Your mind always thinking, calculating, processing your next move.  Your heart trying to decipher the good decisions from the better ones.  It's a non-stop process, it seems...to be passionate.

I've been teaching for a few months now and most recently I think I have rediscovered the passion in my profession.  I've always enjoyed what I've been doing in working with my students.  I've always liked it.  But as I've told several of my closest friend, it's as if something has been missing.  I haven't loved it.  And I know I am extremely blessed to have a job with the awesome support I'm being given and I am appreciative of this fact, yet it is how I feel and I am glad to be discovering more of what I want in this life for myself and to give back to my community.

All this "passion" talk hasn't come out of the blue.  As of lately, I am on cloud nine being that I've added a signing student to my caseload.  As I described him to one of my fellow colleagues, "He is so Deaf!"  It feels good to have a big D Deaf student and be able to communicate with him instantaneously through the air.  Words really can't express.  Ever since I met this kid last Thurs, my mind has been racing.  I've been thinking of ways to captivate him, ways to motivate him, ways to connect him with the Deaf community in Raleigh, etc.  He's such a neat kid...I'm so excited to have this opportunity to work with him and add something special to his day.  

I've only worked with him for two days, but it's made me think a lot about how I see myself as a professional and how I really would like to work with a self-contained/resource class of deaf/hard of hearing students.  It's motivating me to think a little bigger in hopes that maybe our school system could be one that can support not only oral students, but signing students too.  It feels so good to be signing again.  I love all of my students regardless of hearing, hard of hearing, or deaf.  But there's something in me...that passion I've been feeling lately, that just feels fulfilled.  I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru yesterday evening and as I was waiting for my chicken soft tacos it was like I had an ah-ha moment.  It just hit me.  This is what I'm supposed to be working toward.....serving the deaf community in whichever way possible.  It's what gets my heart beating and my mind racing.  

I was thinking about how I see passion in my friends in the fields they have chosen.  Is this how the music teacher feels when her kids play instruments?  Is this how the doctor feels when his patient his healed?  Is this how the translator feels when the individual receives the message in their native language?

I know not everyone is living out their passion.  We're all discovering what it is one day at a time and figuring out how to live it to the best of our ability.  But it's such a good feeling to know that I am discovering what excites me and it is possible to live out my passion as opportunities present themselves and as I take advantage of them.  

This excited feeling feels so good.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."     --Howard Thurman