Just Because.

So it's been a little while since I last wrote and it's crazy how much can happen in a matter of weeks.  Things are finally settling down what with the new changes at school and whatnot.  It's been a pretty good beginning to the month of March, although rather stressful.  Last week I had to face reality a lot when it came to my students.  Nothing terrible, it's just tiresome sometimes when you feel like you're giving it all you got and then realize that there's still more to be done and desired from others.  Ah, the life of a teacher, I suppose.

I made my kids this cute little craft for St. Patrick's Day:  a pot of gold.  Technically, they're not "my" kids, but all of the kids I work with got one.  It's the cutest little gift.  All you need is a small flowering pot (pack of 3 from the dollar store), rainbow-colored ribbon, and any type of candy with gold wrapping (preferably chocolate gold coins, but I went with Reese's peanut butter cups).  All of "my kids" loved them and while it was a bit pricy to do it for 27 students, it was definitely worth it.

We had a teacher workday today and my goodness, it was the longest day of my life.  The EC staff had to peer audit one another's folders and going through all that paperwork was such a headache.  I definitely would have traded today for a student day.

I just came from the park with Martha...photos to come later.  We had such a blast and were getting pretty darn good at throwing the frisbee around (10x straight!).  I'm so glad we work in the same county/school.

Nothing too monumental has happened yet this month.  I had another IEP meeting for my lil girl and it went okay, just somewhat disheartening (see 1st paragraph).  I helped with an event at our school this past week and got to wear my pajamas in the process.  I've still been going to CNX church and enjoying it.  I wish I had time to really get to know everyone, but I suppose that will come with time.  Pi (3.14) Day was this past Wednesday and I went to my friend Sarah's Pi Day Party which was great.  It was full of all things pi!  

Oh, and I have a quasi-interview next Friday with this guy from an interpreting agency.  He just wants to get an idea of how my signing is, but I'm pretty excited and hope it goes well.  This could definitely be another open door for future career possibilities.  Who knows..?

This weekend should be exciting though.  I just came from the park, going on a picnic tomorrow, and spending the night with Corrie and Melissa and going to see "The Lorax."  It'll be great.  I just have to get rid of the feeling of dread of all the work I need to be doing.

Anyway, I'm going to go curl up on the couch to watch "Monk" with my leftovers from Applebees.  My parents will be here later tonight so I'll enjoy some "me time" until then.  

All Grown Up.

So, we changed my student's transportation from the EC bus to the regular bus.  I saw him get on the regular bus this afternoon to leave for home and it literally felt like seeing him go off to college.  He looked so grown up getting onto the big bus!

#tear

Funk.

I've been going through a funk this week.  I'm having one of those "behind on life/woe is me" moments.  I've been terribly unmotivated and the fact that work keeps piling up isn't really helping.  This week it's as if as soon as I finish getting over one hurdle, another one shows itself.  It's been a rather draining week.  I haven't really felt like going out much this weekend and have been snacking a whole bunch.  I find myself in these periods every now and then, but I really have to get back in my groove before Monday.  I've just been watching movies all day, snacking, and eating.  It's nice to relax, but at the same time it's not knowing I have so much that needs to get done.  Hopefully, I'll find some energy in the next hour or so.  I need to clean, finish filing my taxes, pay bills, lesson plan, shop, etc.

Anyway, there's always tomorrow.  I should go to the park or something today.  It's so nice outside.  Windy, but nice.  

Fab Feb

If anything is constant, it would be change.  So much has happened in the month of February.  I can't believe the month is almost gone by.  Recap: I had my first IEP meeting, I got a new student, caught up with my favorite terps one weekend, went to Winter Jam in Greensboro, we have 2 new EC teachers at my base school and as a result I have a new "classroom," had a Snow Day!, celebrated the 100th day of school, gave an in-service presentation, my nieces birthday was yesterday, my sister's birthday is Friday, Valentine's Day was last week, the Super Bowl was a couple weeks ago, went to my first tea room in downtown WF, went to a V-day dance, I've interpreted twice at Connections Church, went home to see my parents, had my car fixed, etc.  It's really been a busy month.

Right now my schedule has undergone so many changes and interruptions that I'm trying to regain my footing and stability again.  Being that I have a new room--I'm sharing a space with the OT and PT now--my routine is somewhat thrown all out of whack now.  My new space--I can't really call it a room seeing as I'm never in there and I'm sharing it with 2 other people occasionally--is incredibly far for me to take my students for their one-on-one time and for reading time so I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of bringing them down there for instruction or making my home in other teachers' classrooms.  I'm by no means ungrateful of my new space, most DHH teachers are itinerant and live out of their car, it's just taking some time readjusting and finding a new routine that works for me.  I need to find an alternative to carrying around 20-30lb. bags because my back and neck can't take it anymore.

Also, I'm trying desperately to stay caught up with my middle school student.  His teachers move through the curriculum super fast so by time I get there in the afternoon to spend my all too short 60 minutes with him, I feel like there's not enough time to teach him something new or I'm not entirely familiar with what his new subject matter is, but I have to reinforce what they've done in his class.  I feel like my one-on-one time has become a tutoring time to recap on what he's already done that day.  Obviously, I'm kind of reluctant about this, but as we review his paperwork hopefully things will become more clear as to how we should be serving him.

There's been so many changes at my base school.  And I'm not normally a big fan of change so I'm definitely having to go with the flow on this one.  Anyway, 2 new EC teachers were hired to cover the self-contained special needs class.  We have one EC self-contained class so we split them in half (2 rooms; which is why I lost my room).  The teachers are great.  Easy to get along with.  Eager and motivated.  I can definitely see how the students will benefit from having teachers with a background in EC instructing the classes.  It's just been a wonky past two days of adjustment for everyone.  I suppose it will get easier as time goes on.  Mostly since I've been displaced from my room, I'm having to keep materials close by and have items handy.  It's been especially tricky for me.

The paperwork is probably the more stressful aspect of the job.  I need to redo a part of my IEP from the beginning of this month.  That's been a bit of a headache, but hopefully by Friday it will all be taken care of.  Otherwise, I have another IEP coming up beginning of March and trying to figure out what needs to be done concerning my new student.

I gave an in-service presentation yesterday at the middle school regarding working with DHH students.  I felt extremely good about it!  I was so excited I had to text my "boss."  I'm so excited for this new student and I think it really came across in the presentation.  I just hope the rest of the teachers can steadily get on board with motivating and including him.

Oh, and I had my 3rd observation and that went exceptionally well I would say.  Finally, the administrator came in on one of my better lessons.

At church we've been talking about the background of the Bible; what happened in the beginning.  It's been really interesting.  We talked about how Adam and Eve were naked and how they were innocent and didn't notice this until they ate from the tree of good and evil.  So when they did notice God realized they were hiding and gave them protection through the cloth he made for them and later that innocence was restored through Jesus Christ dying for our sins.  (Of course, these are my thoughts paraphrased).  But I've been really enjoying the church.  We've talked about as humans we're designed for an intimate relationship with: nature, God, and other people.  We've talked about how Adam and Eve were innocent in the beginning because they walked with God and were secure.  It was that way so long ago, but we're so far from that now, that we must have to work to not hide ourselves from God by becoming closer to Christ.

I wanted to ramble about life some.  This is February.  And it's not even over yet.

There's just so much to do.  Just thinking about it makes me tired and not want to do any of it.  I need to write/phone parents to touch base on student progress, make copies of basic signs for teachers, draft IEP goals, make data sheets (ugh...data will be the death of me), lesson plan (always), fill out a reference, deliver some thank you cards, organize the ridiculous stack of paper and materials I've accumulated since the start of the school year (Ugh, don't even want to go there), etc.  I figured sitting on the couch blogging and watching TV was a good start to the afternoon.  

Wish me luck.  ;)

Passion.

Passion has always been such a vague concept to me.  How do you really know you have passion for something?  Sure, I love people, things, places, activities, and the like.  But passion? Having that fiery burning feeling about something that excites me has always been hard for me.  I'm an extremely laid-back person and when I get excited about something it's spontaneous and unexpected.  It's few and far between so when it happens I've come to find--in my case--it's genuine.

Recently I think I am redefining and relearning what it means to be passionate.  That excited, consistent feeling you have about something.  Your mind always thinking, calculating, processing your next move.  Your heart trying to decipher the good decisions from the better ones.  It's a non-stop process, it seems...to be passionate.

I've been teaching for a few months now and most recently I think I have rediscovered the passion in my profession.  I've always enjoyed what I've been doing in working with my students.  I've always liked it.  But as I've told several of my closest friend, it's as if something has been missing.  I haven't loved it.  And I know I am extremely blessed to have a job with the awesome support I'm being given and I am appreciative of this fact, yet it is how I feel and I am glad to be discovering more of what I want in this life for myself and to give back to my community.

All this "passion" talk hasn't come out of the blue.  As of lately, I am on cloud nine being that I've added a signing student to my caseload.  As I described him to one of my fellow colleagues, "He is so Deaf!"  It feels good to have a big D Deaf student and be able to communicate with him instantaneously through the air.  Words really can't express.  Ever since I met this kid last Thurs, my mind has been racing.  I've been thinking of ways to captivate him, ways to motivate him, ways to connect him with the Deaf community in Raleigh, etc.  He's such a neat kid...I'm so excited to have this opportunity to work with him and add something special to his day.  

I've only worked with him for two days, but it's made me think a lot about how I see myself as a professional and how I really would like to work with a self-contained/resource class of deaf/hard of hearing students.  It's motivating me to think a little bigger in hopes that maybe our school system could be one that can support not only oral students, but signing students too.  It feels so good to be signing again.  I love all of my students regardless of hearing, hard of hearing, or deaf.  But there's something in me...that passion I've been feeling lately, that just feels fulfilled.  I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru yesterday evening and as I was waiting for my chicken soft tacos it was like I had an ah-ha moment.  It just hit me.  This is what I'm supposed to be working toward.....serving the deaf community in whichever way possible.  It's what gets my heart beating and my mind racing.  

I was thinking about how I see passion in my friends in the fields they have chosen.  Is this how the music teacher feels when her kids play instruments?  Is this how the doctor feels when his patient his healed?  Is this how the translator feels when the individual receives the message in their native language?

I know not everyone is living out their passion.  We're all discovering what it is one day at a time and figuring out how to live it to the best of our ability.  But it's such a good feeling to know that I am discovering what excites me and it is possible to live out my passion as opportunities present themselves and as I take advantage of them.  

This excited feeling feels so good.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."     --Howard Thurman

Life Under the Sun

I went to visit Connections Church today.  I loved it.  It's safe to say I genuinely enjoyed the service there.  The space and group of followers they have their is very intimate.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I had an extreme spiritual awakening or anything, but I definitely felt comfortable.  Many times I'll visit churches and something is just "off."  And so I'll make excuses for the reasons why I'm not as comfortable as I should be or I'll go and visit again until I'm used to whatever may be foreign to me.  I'll say, "Oh, this isn't normal to me because I haven't been reading the Bible, but God wants me to reach this point and become as One within this church body."  Right?  After visiting this church, I've accepted that everyone really does worship differently and that will play a role in where you worship.  I went into this church and I didn't have to question anything.  Everything just felt right.  I didn't feel like I had to "try" at all; I was just there being and learning about God.  

I saw the interpreter on stage signing the worship songs when I came in.  I took a seat in the middle portion of the church area.  They do a community discussion which lasts about 5 minutes after the worship which was different.  I don't think many churches do that.  Unless it's like in the Episcopal church when they give Peace to one another.  This lady named Mary came and spoke with me.  We were to discuss questions regarding:  When was the last time we had thought about the meaning of life?  We also talked and kind of got to know one another.  (The structure of the service actually kind of reminded me of InterVarsity, which kind of put me on edge seeing as I felt that was somewhat clique-y in college, but a more "adult" InterVarsity, I guess).

After the community chat, we listened to the speaker.  I thought this was ironic because they were ending their series on "Time."  This is the very thing that I've mostly been blogging about lately.  The theme today was "Life Under the Sun" and the message was based on Ecclesiastes.  The speaker talked about Solomon writes that the things that we live for are so meaningless.  To anyone reading this it's rather depressing, but as he continues, Solomon is so wise that he embeds in his writing a clue.  It is everything "under the sun" that is meaningless and troubling.  In that box that we put ourselves of black and white, A and B, yes and no.  The speaker pointed out in Ecclesiastes 3:11 "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.  He has planted eternity in the human heart..."  The speaker discussed that eternity that he puts within us is something that's always there that keeps us hoping for something better.  That's the mystery of God.  That is what we must live for outside of this box of "under the sun."  I am by no means doing the speaker justice in his delivery of the message, but it was really eye-opening to see how we are leveraging our time to find God not from "under the sun" but outside of that box.  

A few of the members of the church introduced themselves to me which was really nice.  After the service, I met the interpreter, Kathy, and Lanny, the member whom they sign for.  They both are very friendly.  The guy who I had e-mailed about visiting, Scott, came and introduced himself to me as well and he let me know about the young adult ministry.  I signed up to go to their super bowl party next Sunday so I'm excited about that.  Kathy let me know that they receive the set of how the service will run 4 days in advance and I told her I'd be more than willing to help out and she could send the songs so I could take a look.  I told her I'd e-mail her and let her know what I was thinking as far as interpreting because I understand that going to church and receiving the message should be first and foremost.  I'm thinking I'll start off small and sign announcements songs or something.  

But I really did enjoy the service.  I guess it's like people say..."when you know, you know!"  I was so excited about being there and I let them all know how much I enjoyed it before leaving.  I look forward to going back next week and pursuing their young adult ministry, that's for sure!   

"Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands." ~Blue Like Jazz 

BBM.

BBM doesn't stand for BlackBerry Messenger.  It stands for Blessed Beyond Measure.  It's weekends and in general--days like the past week that I've had that remind me how blessed I am and how wonderful life can be if you let it and create it that way for yourself.  As my recent posts may have suggested, I've really been trying to be consistent in creating more opportunities for myself and being more productive.  I've been doing just that.  The goal now is to be consistent.  This past week and weekend has been just great from: going to the park, spending time with my friend/co-worker, trying new recipes and making dinner for a close friend, going to Bible study and exploring the Bible further, having a much needed sleepover with two new friends and a breakfast outing, and of course going to dinner and ComedyWorx with Ricky was a highlight to the weekend.  I know the previous sentence was a significant run-on sentence, but there are so many good people and good things in life and I'm excited about these moments.  Having these people and events in life are often what drive me and motivate me to be successful in other areas of my life.  It's almost as if I'm working hard for myself because I want to grow as a person, educator, role model, etc, but also when these successes are reached I know I can celebrate it and share it with some of the people I care about most doing the things we most enjoy.  Establishing those times for myself are so important to me now.  Especially since I'm still young, living in a fairly new area, and have a good amount of free time, I want to be able get some more life experience under my belt.  I want to be able to look back and say, "Yeah, I did that...I went there.  I even made a mistake a time or two."  Not:  "I didn't try that...I was too tired."  While I've got time, I'll make the time to create the moments I can with the people I care about.  That's one of the reasons why I'm working so hard....to enjoy life.

On another note, I'm extremely excited about visiting this church tomorrow.  It has a deaf ministry and I would be more than willing to become with them.  They may be also looking for some volunteer sign language interpreters for their morning service.  I have a good feeling about this, but we'll see.

My first grade student's birthday is tomorrow.  I hope he's having a party or something.  I'm not sure.  I bought him two little gifts to give to him on Monday.  I want to bring him a few cupcakes during his resource class so I may do that too.  He's a sweet kid and he deserves it and plus I have only 3 students so I figure it doesn't hurt to spoil each of them.  =]

Oh, and I'm almost done with the book of Matthew.  I'm really stoked about that too...I'm learning a lot about Jesus's life and his core teachings and how the parables he tells relate to how we should have faith.  I hope I get a good vibe from the church I visit tomorrow.  I'm really enjoying studying the Bible.