Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I Want.

I want...

to laugh uncontrollably.

I want a belly aching laugh.

I want clear, direct, honest,  and open communication.

I want him to know what I want and to know what he wants.

I want to be silly with him and to be my goofy, ridiculous self.

I want to be best friends.

I want to play together.

I want to talk about serious stuff.

I want to talk about regular stuff.

I want him to kill bugs and to cook.  (But those aren't deal breakers).

I want him to want me as much as I want him.

I want him to love God more than he loves me.  I want to pour over the Bible together and to be in community for Christ with one another.

I want to encourage and support one another in all of our endeavors.

I want to exercise with each other.

I want to go to the park together.

I want to explore and try new things together.

I want to go for walks.  I want to go for runs.

I want to compromise with him.

I want to feel it in my gut.

I want to love him.

I want to love him, flaws and all.

I want crazy, stupid, love.

I want to keep on learning how to love him.

This is just the beginning of what I need.

1 John 4:19.  We love because He first loved us.  

Sunday, January 25, 2015

Salvation.

Today, I went to church with Beaver.

It was great.  It was so ironic first of all because he was preaching on the same scripture that Derrick's church had preached on when I went a few weeks ago, Luke 16.  It's a parable about the Rich Man and the beggar, Lazarus.  The Rich Man goes to Hades and the Beggar goes to Heaven.  So, the pastor talks a lot about what happens after we die and what it means to have eternal life and how we don't want to be like the Rich Man.  So, it really got me thinking.  I felt good because I really got the message of the scripture the second time around.  I think I was really hung up on all the terminology of Heaven and Hell and Hades and Sheol (sp?) and missed the central message: eternal life.  What it is and how to get it.  I'm still navigating the meaning of Heaven and Hell and want to learn more about it, but I think right now it's important that I understand the importance of eternal life.

The beggar, Lazarus achieved his eternal life and salvation by having faith and Christ, whereas the Rich Man did not.  By the time the Rich Man was in Hades, it was too late.  I don't want it to be too late for tomorrow is not promised, for anyone.  What we do now in the present, during our Earthly life, will determine where we end up after we die and if we will be with Our Father.  I want to be with my friends and my God in Heaven.

That being said, I guess one could say I rededicated my life to Christ today.  January 25, 2015.  The pastor said, if you are 99% sure that you are going to Heaven, you are 100% lost and well, I felt uncertain and I just felt this pull to go up.  It felt right.  I felt this nudge from God and I did it.  I prayed with Annie Hinton after reading Romans 10:9 and filled out some information.  It felt good.

To be honest, I don't feel different.  I feel good.  I have always accepted Christ as my Savior, but have always felt something missing.  I think today I worked toward what some of what that would be--a personal declaration.  I feel a greater sense of purpose in my life after today.  To live for today to have a Heavenly eternal life with The Father.  Knowing and declaring this now makes me want to strive to be a better person.

But, I know I will sin.  I know it will be hard and so I must build a community of supporters.  I want to begin by really growing within a church.  I was talking with Beaver about this and I really must reevaluate my involvement with the Deaf ministry as to how it impacts my own spiritual growth.  I have been to a variety of churches in Raleigh.  I think both my gift and curse is that I can fit in anywhere, but I need to make it a goal for myself to grow and prosper where I am planted.

Right now, I believe that may be RCCC.  I think I can begin by seeking out (again) some of the Young Adult classes and as Brittany mentioned, some of the Women's classes.  I can still balance this with interpreting and when I know I will not be interpreting can use that time to invest in other small groups or classes.  I also think I need to change my mindset and attitude toward the Deaf ministry from one of service to one of BOTH service and learning.  There is room to grow and learn with them, but I am not yet taking advantage of this.

I think what it comes down to is I need to loosen up my standards a bit on the church.  I have expectations on what I look for in a church, yes.  And I should.  But if I really want to grow in the word I have to be willing to grow and learn from those that are around me even though it may not be whom I initially intended.  God has a plan and I need to let him execute it instead of making my own plan work out.  And maybe that's why my plan isn't working out--it's not meant to be, but God's is!

These are all things I can be looking to do.  I will look into RCCC now!  I'm excited for all the possibilities and for a fresh, new perspective after my reaffirming my declaration for needing Christ Jesus in my heart!

Amen!    

Friday, January 16, 2015

Community.

Tonight's thought:

Community.  I was just on ThoughtCatalog and one of the articles focused on why the writer did not miss church and the one reason they did.  That one reason was community.  So, I decided to unpack that word.  I've always struggled with community and I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's my introverted nature?


Dictionary.com defines community as:


a social, religious, occupational, or other group sharing common characteristics or interests and  perceived or perceiving itself as distinct in some respect from the larger society within which it   exists


What do I define community as?  

-People with whom I share common interests 
-People with whom I am comfortable 
-People who I have a natural inclination to spend time with in outside environments and not in primarily structured settings
-Natural, authentic, undefined relationships 

The two definitions overlap.  I am finding that the one contrast is that my definition is that I thrive off of relationships which are organic, innate.  So many communities in which I find myself must be defined and then be organically made.  I work from the inside out.  Whereas so many other types of relationships work from the outside in.  Hm, interesting.


But, I guess a community is still a community, regardless, right?  Working from the inside out as opposed to the outside in, I still had to put in a great length of time and effort in the relationships I have built and who is to say that they are any better or more significant than relationships that are built from the outside in?  Perhaps working from the outside in, I have to do the same, but it feels like more than what I am used to because I am working from a different angle.  Maybe I should give the outside in, defined relationships more of a chance?  


After all, there's no right way.  Just different ways.  


So, then the next question is, why am I so scared of the outside in approach?  

Am I scared?
Am I impatient?
Do I not like to change my way of doing things?
Am I stubborn?
Do I not want to admit that I am wrong?  (Is it time to admit that I am wrong?)
Have I genuinely just not found a defined community approach that fits my undefined sense of relationship and community?
If I have, what is keeping me from flourishing in these define community approach contexts?  How can I change this?

Community is more puzzling for the Christian individual to figure out than one would think.  I will take it one day at a time.  I do feel comfort in knowing that I can at least be aware and open to both the defined and undefined types of community I engage in on a daily basis.    



Tuesday, December 2, 2014

One A Days-December

12.1.14
"Most Loyal" pizza at Trophys with Ryan was amazing!! 5 slices! "Organized relations"-Derrick

12.2.14
9 ladies dancing idea is on point. 

12.3.14
J asked for Deck the Halls. Feeling a little bit better.

12.4.14
Derrick said he like my hair.  :)  J calling me out on my bad boy fettish.  "I met john...loves his mom..etc...but there's just no edge to him."  Chatting with beaver:  "You are batty beaver!"  "I'm sure he knows that" (about my hair).  haha.

12.5.14
Ladies Christmas Tea was so fun! Met Julie and got to "smack" the chairs with Aimee. Hah. Virginia asked for my number if she needed an interpreter. 

12.6.14
Derricks quote book. Holiday concert with David. We won the 12 days of Christmas costume contest!

12.7.14
Interpreted service and crushed it! Derrick--"I'm on your mind. #youreintome

12.8.14
"I thought about you like three times today..." J gave me a pencil. Submitted last assignment of grad school! "My favorite part of my day is taking off my bra." Haha

12.9.14
Noodles & company. Corries concert. Open Eye cafe with Foskey. 

12.10.13
"I'm sorry I didn't kiss you." 100 on 546 project!

12.11.14
"I was planning on staying anyway." Laughing with Beaver about my weave coming out. Haha. 

12.12.14
Christmas program was great! Melissa, Corrie, Derrick, Ally, Sabrina, and Danielle came! Boy-girl party!

12.13.14
Christmas concert night 2 went great! The family came. 

12.14.14
Performance at Melissa's church. Hallelujah christmas. Saw beaver at her Christmas concert! #righttho #headflup

12.15.14
Foskeys concert and Starbucks with Evan, Sarah, and Mel. "That's how hashtags work..." "You were so quiet tonight" 

12.16.14
Danielle's story about Jimmy and how she wasn't interested. Melissa coming to work with me and dinner with Donna. Plans this weekend!

12.17.18
Dpi visit wasn't so bad. Dinner and sex talk with Martha. 

12.18.14
Graduation!! Saw Ms Latta! 

12.19.14
Outback with Foskey and About a Boy. Talked about sexual experiences. 

12.20.14
Oil change with Foskey. Gave me a car charger. Lunch with Allie at the tea room and deaf/hh small group christmas party.
D said I was "refreshing."

12.21.14
Lunch with Beaver and Blaine! Dinnet at Leo's house! 

12.22.14
Gone Girl with Dad. Successful Christmas shopping. 

12.23.14
Equalizer with Matt. "Dash dash equalizing time!" Haha. Dinner with old friends at Bento Box. Yum! 
J: maam it takes 2 seconds to type southern pines! Haha! 

12.24.14
Breakfast at ihop with Foskey! "I wouldn't want some guy to snatch you up" "I like your neck and...the best." Shopping with mom and dad! 

12.25.14
Christmas! Got a new bed set. Family time and hanging at Tricia's house. 

12.26.14
I like being your tramp...

12.27.14
At Barnes and Nobles with D. Party with Brittany and Blake for their friend Jessi. Turnt up! Food was so good. And dancing! Brittany peed!

12.28.14
"I have a great girl that's kind of into me..." Top Five with mom and dad. Two pairs of boots. 

12.29.14
Third pair of shoes. Sounded better on the piano. 

12.30.14
Family portrait. Bowling and over the falls with Foskey. Really great talk about expectations. My car got egged. :(

12.31.14
NYE at Corrie and Melissa's apt!! So fun! Guessing which card was Corrie's in apples to apples. 

Saturday, November 1, 2014

One A Days--November

11.1.14
Pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes with Corrie. Lunch with Sammy. "Well, that escalated quickly!" Dear White People 
with Jalisa.  

11.2.14
Practicing with Vanessa and lunch at Hometown Cafe. Yum! Cracking up about voicing for T.

11.4.14
Watching ASL videos with Vanessa while practicing. The story of Sleepy Hollow! Aaron L: "you should stay; its more fun when you're here."

11.4.14
Dinner at Tasu with Caroline! So good to see her!  J: say why not/what for. Lol. 

11.5.14
Voiced for Theresa during visitation about not being judged perfectly! Yayyy! Got my cap and gown and my car back! Yay!

11.6.14
Had chick fil a for dinner thanks to PTA!

11.7.14
Talking about boys with Katie and watching Matilda!

11.8.14
Celebrating Martha's 25th! Good day with DC. Sopapillas are delicious. 

11.9.14
RHOA premiere and 90 day fiance with beaver!!

11.10.14
J "crying" because Miss Agnes left the school.

11.11.14
No school today!! I downloaded glide!!

11.12.14
Finished research paper rough draft. No J, but sad news--his grandma passed away. Pumpkin cinnamon scones from Martha's mom!

11.13.14
Another "free" day today. Dropped some sweets off to J and his mom. "I wonder what the new teacher will say when she sees them climbing through the window."

11.14.14
Ms Stewart, I just love your hair. You're silly. -Anna

11.15.14
Got my kinky twists. Saw the maze runner with mom! 

11.16.14
"To be heard in relationships I've had to be kind of a bitch." -Beaver

11.17.14
Everyone loved my hair! 

11.18.14
Our thankful tree with J. Stephanie got glasses!

11.19.14
It's official. I'm getting a new student. A ninth grade girl! "The world just won't let me flourish."-J

11.20.14
Dr J said this new AU deaf student would  knock me over! Stephanie let me take Natalie White home. Lol. 

11.21.14
Derrick texted me an apology... 
And free caramel frappe!

11.22.14
Rum Runners with Aimee and Tracey and dancing was so much fun! Up on stage for rolling on the river. Drunk girl invited us to Coglins. Dinner with the Collman family and bagels!

11.23.14
The Three Musketeers sign language play. Saw Erica and Shannon and Christie. Signed "End of the Beginning."

11.24.14
Met my new student--love her!! 

11.25.14
Casey came by today!

11.26.24
Hung out with Martha and Jalisa and helped make a flower task. Went and got lunch at Howes Your Pizza. Selfies together and Beyoncé's music videos! Texting all day with Derrick!

11.27.14
Thanksgiving!! Laughing with my cousins. K&W stands for kanes and wheels. Bari crying because Jr. had the phone. 

11.28.14
New Bern High football game! Yay! Go TJ! #62 Ethel and my new song: c'mon c'mon! Lol. Spending some time with my sister and Renny. Her cousin Zariah speaking Arabic. Lol. 

11.29.14
"You ain't nothing but a uterus!" -J talking about baby announcements. Haha. Chris and Shayla came to visit. 

11.30.14
"I got a hard one."-Derrick (talking about 12 days of Christmas
"It wouldn't have been fun to watch it without you."-Beaver (talking about RHOA)

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

One A Days--October


10.1.14
J was absent and Mrs Bell and I got a lot of planning done today! 

10.2.14
Bathroom duty at fall fest! And J got an 80 on his AR test. Phone date with Jess: "walking oxymoron."

10.3.14
I was "Miss Congeniality" at the TOD regional meeting since Pitt and Wake were throwing me job offers! What, what! 

10.4.14
Cracking up at Kevin Hart. Also Derrick and I had a great text convo about our "dating" in college and quasi reconciled. 

10.5.14
Went walking with Margie and talked about life, love, and next year. Interpreted at church. Lunch with Vanessa. Texting with Derrick and sending funny gifs.

10.6.14
Got a Kit Kat for perfect attendance! Sent Ricky his birthday gift!

10.7.14
J was copying my words and I accidentally poked him in the face which gave us all a chuckle. Played in the park with Martha. Joked about how we would do a race and list our health problems on the back of our shirt. Lol.  Mar said my face looked clear!

10.8.14
Sweet hugs from LW and JJ is doing much better memory wise. 

10.9.14
Did all my chores. And heard from J today. "Brennan told me to tell you hi." "We should do this (science experiments) with you!"

10.10.14
Home sweet home. Crawling through the tunnel and pretend playing in Ms E's class!

10.11.14
Lindsay's wedding with Jessica, Leo, and Liz. The hood Burger King. White flats. Lots of laughs!

10.12.14
Texting with Foskey! Lazy Sunday. 

10.13.14
Foskey's orchestra concert and So Pie pizza. 

10.14.14
J got embarrassed by the word "butt cheeks." Texting with Foskey. 

10.15.14
Met Debra Pierce who said she would put in a good word for me at Lacy Elem. 

10.16.14
Early Release Day! Told J my secret and she put down some wisdom. Met a teacher for the deaf at Walnut Creek, Thomas Faulkner. And Randall. 

10.17.14
Got to see my god family! Caught up with Taliah. Enjoyed seeing the deaf program at Creekside. 

10.18.14
Camp Woodbine was great! We had an awesome group! Megan, Johnathan, Darius, Reni, Nick, Kylie, and Kevin. Maggie was a great co counselor and Grace was awesome. "I was gonna take a yallie."

10.19.14
Your inner beauty shines through even when your epidermis is acting up. -Martha 

10.20.14
Went to a mosque and didn't go to work.  Lol.  Erica says my face isn't that bad. Lol. Sarah and Joseph's "Ew" video. Lol. 

10.21.14
SW's imaginary, miniature sized friend named Natalie White. Lol. Adorable. Foskey is coming to the fair with us!

10.22.24
Extra beef dippers for lunch! 

10.23.14
State Fair with the kids! One of the first graders, Hailey, has sisters named Emily Osment and Selena Gomez and a brother named Justin Bieber. Umm! 

10.24.14
Vollmer Farms with E's class! And dinner at Las Magaritas with Nikki. "You gotta booger. "

10.25.14
Fair with Melissa and Corrie. Got a turkey leg, fried Oreos, fried banana foster, and apple cider. Girl in line: can you get a college discount on a turkey leg??

10.26.14
Had 3 hot dogs at Harvest Festival. Got 100 on our SpicyNodes project. 

10.27.14
Got another observation over and done with! Talked with Prefix and Beaver.

10.28.14
My traffic citation got a voluntary dismissal. No points on my license! Woohoo! Stephanie and "Natalie" we're adorable! 

10.29.14
J was absent. No corrections on his folder! Yeah!

10.30.14
Helping Josh & Ethan with their math homework. And "if you have to be old might as well be Sophia."-J

10.31.14
Harry Potter and dinner and cupcakes with Melissa and Corrie! Yum!

Monday, September 1, 2014

One A Days--September

9.1.14
A walk at Umstead with Martha and talking about our love lives and school. "We are too reactive instead of proactive."

9.2.14
SW's happy dance is precious!! She likes Mr Harris.
9.3.13
Interpreted class tonight!

9.4.14
Head start on work with Becky! "You're a THOUGHT leader!" Lol. 

9.5.14
Found Matt on OKC. Hahaha. Mom at the football game: "those are some ugly cheerleaders!" Hahah! That one girls wig! Lol. 

9.6.14
Hung out with Hyzer and treated her to some IHOP! Two dollar camis at Forever 21 and a 3 hour convo with Rashad!

9.7.14
Did all my textbook readings and some lesson planning!

9.8.14
The noodle dance with Becky!

9.9.14
I gave Ms Lassiter and Mr Blackmon a laugh with my "dance" from the door monitor. I was trying to get a bug off my pants! Haha. Mr Harris said he would keep me in mind the next time he goes to get a ham biscuit!

9.10.14
Teacher observation went great! Early Release Day! Figured out gifs!

9.11.14
Went "berry picking" with J! Tea party with Steph! Jog and Texas Roadhouse with Martha! Jokes with Brandon. 

9.12.14
Date with Rashad was great! Olive Garden, Chuck n Bucks, and No Good Deed. 

9.13.14
Deaf coffee chat was fun! Met a lady who knew BSL and not ASL. Saw Wachema. And met a lady named Becky who used to be a TOD and lots of sign students. It was a HUGE crowd!

9.14.14
Met with the JW ladies and they just thought I was so precious!  

9.15.14
Met with Becky at Panera again! We have put in a lot of work! Killed 2 bugs. Ugh! Oh Martha made me lunch. This Cajun rice thing. Yum!

9.16.14
Went to Martha's apt and watched some of Flubber and had chips and salsa!

9.17.14
Chatting with a new guy on OKC--Ty.  Had raspberries with J.  

9.18.14
Had a plum with JJ.  Got J's equipment all figured out.   J:  "You should bring pizza tomorrow!"   

9.19.14
Anna: "thank you!" (For helping her find her book). Date night with Martha where we got huge pieces of cake and talked about boys since our dates canceled. Lol. Matt riding off on his motorcycle. Ma Wade: " they're done for!" ( lw's aids and glasses) Lolz. The sub at CCMS said I reminded her of someone named Emily who just had a "shining" personality. 

9.20.14
Had a productive work session with Becky and got ahead on grad school work. Told R what was on my mind. 

9.21.14
Heard from Beaver today!!  I will get to see her this weekend!  Interpreted for Wachema and small group at church.  Team ratchet on our iphones with Ricky and Chris..LOL.  Beyonce is in Raleigh!  haha.

9.22.14
"Ended" it with R. Got some feedback on my survey. 

9.23.14
Got to help in Pre K. Dinner at Panera with Melissa and Corrie and talking about our lack of love lives. Corrie said her middle school girls were mean. "I'm going through puberty!" Hahah. 

9.24.14
Martha brought me a French toast bagel for breakfast from Panera!

9.25.14
R and I made up. Met Tega. 

9.26.14
J and his friend did spitballs today. Lol. He understood the end of Miss Nelson Goes Missing. Got a lot of responses on my survey already!

9.27.14
Sky watching, Chipotle, and cookout (yumm banana peanut butter) with Melissa and Corrie!) phone chat with Jeremy. 

9.28.14
Aimee texted just to say she likes to watch me interpret and that it's very clear   Tino came back to church today. A lady at church, Virginia gave me a compliment on my signing. :)

9.29.14
Started some lesson plans today and got all my car accident stuff done. Ms Dunston bought me the hair oil from Sherlinda. 

9.30.14
The kids LOVED the experiment we did with them! "We should do this throughout the year!"