Excerpt from October

It's officially October.  Fall weather is taking it's time to get here, but there's so much to look forward to this month: birthdays, family, NC State Fair, 5K run, Halloween, life groups at church, etc.  The first week of October proved to be a long one.  With all of the icky weather and the sickness going around there wasn't much to be excited about this week.  Work has been somewhat draining as well.  Among four different schools, I'm trying my hardest to stay on top of things.  My elementary schools are no problem, but one of my middle schools has been a bit of a challenge as I've been trying to sort out his accommodations, class placement, etc.  The staff haven't exactly been openly supportive so that's caused me to be a bit on edge.  Nonetheless, as of yesterday afternoon I officially made the changes necessary for my student and I feel like I can finally breathe.  Because this change was kind of a serious one, I can't help but think "I hope I'm doing the right things."  There's that little voice in the back of my head that keeps repeating "What if?"  Much too often, I've ignored hat voice and have seen the effects of it later.

For example, on Thursday I went to see my second grader, same time as I do everyday and he was carrying his equipment (microphone for hard of hearing students).  I was on my way in and by chance, ran into him in the hallway.  I saw him with the mic and noticed it swinging and thought to myself, "Wow, he's being kind of rough with it."  But because we were heading toward the room and I hadn't even had a chance to really transition and was lugging a huge bag and then some with me, it didn't occur to me to tell him to be careful with it.  Well, 2 minutes later when we entered the room, we noticed a piece was missing.  Oh boy, my paycheck flashed before my eyes!

Here I Am.

I'm back!  I guess blogging has never really been my niche.  Although, I must say I kept up with this one pretty well this year.  So, I have a lot to catch up on being that I haven't blogged since the end of September.
Here are the highlights:
October:
1)  Color Me Rad 5k w/ Leo
2) Halloween weekend:  haunted house, hanging out with Leo and Martha, etc (I dressed up as a marathon runner for school)
3) Dinner w/ Ms Dale and friends for her birthday
4) Found out I got into NC State's grad program!  :)
5) State fair w/ Melissa
November:
6) Introduced Ricky to Dame's Chicken and Waffles and he got to meet Ms. Woods
7) Mom's Birthday (we had a surprise party at pf chang's!  I organized it and made her a book)
9) Started "talking" to A
10) Thanksgiving
11) Caught up w/ Emizzle & Jess
12) United Way Grant Award reception (I was awarded $1,000 for my project "Technology for the Senses")
December:
13) Reindeer Fun Run 5k w/ Derrick
14) Went on a date w/ A
15) Stopped "talking" to A (and was rather melo-dramatic about it lol)
16) Disney World/Orlando, FL w/ mom and dad and uncle bro and aunt why for Christmas
17) Caught up with old friends over Christmas break (Matt, Tasha, Jess, Shan, Leo)
18) Tons of Christmas parties and food before Christmas break (sign club had a Christmas party and we invited some deaf friends to come)
19) Workshop in Greensboro and got to catch up with old friends (Amber, JennJenn)
20) Had a random "thing" with Amber's roommate lol


Other random memories from the past 3 months:
-Life group is going well!
-Tina is back in the area teaching again; wasn't a big fan of being a flight attendant
-Taught lil miss LW "Happy Birthday, Jesus" and she rocked!
-Saw the movies Django Unchained, Jack Reacher, and Pitch Perfect over Christmas break
--Got kinky twists and I LOVE them although I scratch my hair way too much
--Martha came to lifegroup with me one night which was swell
--speeding tickets =/
--Got a new laptop (finally) which I am using right now!

It's been a very full and happy end of the year.  I've learned a lot.  I look forward to all that 2013 has in store (friendships, relationships?, grad school, teaching, etc).  Onward!

Fall. Family. and Fluff.

So it's the season of autumn, at last.  Pumpkin flavored foods, leaves, the state fair, crisp, cool weather...I see why everyone gets riled up about this season.

I will certainly miss the warm, hot weather, but with the changing of seasons means that time is moving on and we'll be closer again to summer.  ;)

Life is good.  It's weird at times to think I'm settling into the routine of adulthood.  Nonetheless, life is good.  I was feeling incredibly sick last week and missed a couple days of work.  My parents came to the rescue and helped nurse me back to health.  Ha, they're so awesome.

My cousin Veronica and her two kids, Jaden and Vance came to visit.  They are all so sweet; I'm glad I got to see them and can't wait to see them again.

Work is going well.  The kids are learning and the teachers are stressing, but I'm proud of some of the changes I've made for my students.  My middle schooler and his brother even went to Greensboro with me last weekend to see a show, Deaf KissFist.

Other randomness:  I went camping at Lake Jordan with the CNX Youth.

I had plans for this weekend, but canceled everything because I was feeling sick.

This weekend of doing nothing was much needed though.  I've had a busy past few weeks so it was nice to just have some time for myself.

Tomorrow is our first sign language club at the middle school...wish us luck!

Keep Going

So, it seems as if summer has come to an end.  While, I will seriously miss staying up late, waking up late, being on my own schedule, freedom, no stress, traveling, loads of time with friends and family (wait...why do I have to go to work again; oh right...gotta make a living) I am ready for my second year of teaching.  I feel more prepared and am ready to see some familiar faces again.  LW's mom tagged me in a Facebook status tonight mentioning that LW has a surprise for us...that definitely got me more excited.

So, let's see being that the school year is starting up tomorrow I feel it necessary to draft a few professional goals for myself this year:
1) Have an organized and effective data-tracking system.
2) Conduct language samples on my students regularly.
3) Administer standardized assessments to my students.
4) Become close to student families and hold regular and ongoing parent training sessions.
5) Write a grant request.
6) Develop clear lesson plans and activities in a timely manner.

Okay, I think this is a good start.  A few of my personal goals:
1) Work out/jog/run/walk on a regular basis in preparation for the Color Me Rad 5k coming up.
2) Stay connected with friends.
3) Go to church and pray often.
4) Try something new.
5) Eat out less.
6) Budget.
7) Take care of my face/hair.


I think these are all good goals.

So, summer in review:
--Went to a workshop with SB in Greensboro.  Learned a lot, caught up with JennJenn and other friends, ate a lot, had fun.
--Went and saw ALL of my friends' new apartments: Kimmie Q, Melissa & Corrie, and Martha.  All of them have such cute places...makes me want to move...and Ricky is moving next!  geez.
--Hungout with Jessica a few times when she was in town
--Caught up with Shanflan and bffHyzer
--Met one of SB's friends who is deaf, she's cool
--Watched the Olympics...a lot.  Spice Girls were in the closing ceremony #win
--Hung out with Martha and had oodles of fun; we went and setup our classrooms together #meanjanitor
--Saw Ms. Swann and met her daughter, very nice time catching up
--Hung out with my cousins Meka & Bari and went shopping
--Began drinking lots of water and taking care of my skin
--Hung out with Ricky.  We watched The Devil Inside last night.
--Started a pinterest and twitter account out of boredom, lol.  I really do love pinterest.  Twitter is growing on me.
--and more...

So I'm gonna whip up a late night snack/dinner.  Cheers to a new season!  One of growth, change, and more intimate relationships.  #keepgoing #CNX

Summertime.

So, it's been awhile since I last posted.  ALOT has happened since my last post in May.  Almost too much to recollect, but I'll try.  My first year of teaching is now behind me.  I can't believe it.  I feel like I am legit now and now that the first year of trial and error is over, that the remainder of my time in the profession will be dedicated to developing into a career teacher.

The year ended with a BANG with several parties, a retirement dinner, teacher workdays, engagement parties, meetings, and the like.  Oh, and food.  Lots of food.

I feel like I should have some sage wisdom to offer being that I've completed my first year, but I don't really. If anything, the biggest piece of knowledge that I've gained is we are all always learning.  Every day is different.  Every one is different.

This summer I've been on the goooo....
In June I went to Atlantic Beach with Melissa and Corrie.  So far that was the highlight of my summer!  I was telling one of my friends the other day that the three of us are all so similar in nature that it made it easy to plan our outings, meals, etc.  We're all very much agreeable and I don't think I would've rather go on this trip with anyone else than these two.  I'm so blessed to have these two ladies as friends.

The following week I went to visit my best friend Jessica in Baltimore.  It sounds cheesy, but it was so nice to make this trip on my own.  If you ask any of my friends all of them will tell you I was so frantic about having to tell my parents about my driving up to Baltimore by myself.  But I did it and in the end they were fine with it (for the most part) and I'm glad I went.  I feel like I never really do anything "spontaneous" or "risky" because I'm always too worried about what my parents will say and think.  When they worry, it constantly makes me second guess myself.  However, I can tell I'm getting older an more independent as my parents have definitely been more flexible and "hands off" with many of my actions.

Anyway, I had a great time in Baltimore.  Jess and I took the metro into D.C. and saw the monuments and went to the Holocaust museum.  We went to Inner Harbor in Baltimore and walked around. (We did A LOT of walking).  We went to see the Orioles play at Camden Yards.  I got to hear Jessica preach at the church she interns at and see where she will be working and living in D.C. next year.  So it was a really eventful weekend.  I also discovered this delicious sandwich called the Asiago at Panera Bread.  Yum!

I spent a week at home at the beginning of July.  My aunt and uncle came up for a few days too.  My dad cooked out for 4th of July and we had some friends come over.  Leonora came over too which was awesome.  The two of us hung out with Liz in the evening and we watched Extremely Loud Incredibly Close. It was so good, but so sad.  We should've watched Joyful Noise.  On my dad's birthday I actually had an ultrasound which had me in a panic the entire week.  But everything came back normal so after that scared I've been trying to be more health conscious.  We went to the Airborne Museum with my aunt and uncle on his birthday.  The day after his birthday, we all rode down to Myrtle Beach and spent the day.

I went to my friend Melissa H's baby shower.  It was really good to see her.  She lives out West so I probably haven't seen her in a year.  Jessica spent a week with her and her husband this past week. (I actually need to go pick her up from the airport soon).  I got to hangout with my bff Hyzer too.  I miss her; I really wish she would come visit.  We went to IHOP and Babies R Us.

So yeah, it's been an eventful summer...

My family had their 9th family reunion this past weekend which was an absolute blast.  I can really see how I change clearly when I'm among my family.  I feel like I'm more outgoing now among my family.  Before I would stay right under my parents, no matter what.  And I mean, I still kind of do that, but at the same time, I feel like I'm more independent and naturally reserved instead of painfully introverted.

What else...

Oh, I hung out with some of the young adults at my church about a week ago.  We all went mini-golfing at this place called Pelican's.  Samantha, Chelsea, and I got dinner beforehand at Red Robbin.  Jessica came to stay with me too on her way back from Baltimore so she got to meet everyone at the church and find out all the juicy details.  ;)

I met this girl named Elizabeth at mini-golf and she was really cool.  We hung out after church and she came to Panera Bread with Jess and I.
I've actually been getting really involved with my church as of late and it's been great.  I went to a game night, mini-golfing, and over one ladies' house for dinner and games.  By the way, that was THE nicest house I'd ever been in.  I'm really excited I get some time to spend with the people I worship with.  It's harder during the school year being that I'm busier and a lot of the ongoings at my church happen 30 minutes from me.  

Other random summer happenings....I've spent some time with Ms. Dale & her mom.  We did some fun birthday things for her mom.  I've gotten to meet Sabrina for lunch and catch up with her.  I've been working with her student at the community college which I LOVE.  It's part-time, just a few hours a week, and incredibly decent pay.  Which reminds me that I really need to take the EIPA... And I've discovered pinterest.

I've also been researching grad-school programs and am looking at applying in a Master's in Reading program at either NC State and/or ECU.

In the coming weeks I'll have some more adventures planned....but until then I need really buckle down and get some school work done.  It's so easy to be lazy though.  Ah.

Alright, this was just an update on life.  I'm living it.  I'm loving it.  And I can't wait to see what next year brings.  Jessica is flying in tonight from LA (I should've went) so I guess I'll get ready to pick her up.

Happy summer.  :)

Notes

2 more Mondays until SUMMER!

Hung out with Martha and Tina today at the park...wonderful first-year teaching time spent together.

I've been able to sign most of the weekend with my friend Lanny from church.  I (still) LOVE the Deaf community!

Planning on going to Baltimore, MD to see my bestie Jess!

Oh, life.  :)

Oh, and note to self:  WORKOUT!

SN:  May is THE busiest month ever.  Ever.  #butiloveit

Transitions.

19 more days of school remain!

I can't believe my first year of teaching is almost over.  Time literally flies!

I am beyond excited for the summer, however, I almost want time to slow down.  I know after this summer ends, reality is really going to set in.  I was trying to explain it to a friend earlier this week...but so much is changing.  Not that there haven't been a lot of changes already, but what's coming in the next year seriously feels like the next stage of growing up.

Of course, graduating in itself was a milestone and beginning my first year of teaching was a big change.  However, this being the first year in the "working world," it was very much a transition year.  A testing the waters period of time.  Meaning...it was a time for learning, constant adjustment, redefining myself, becoming familiar with my surroundings.  Seeing what works, what doesn't work, what I love, what I hate...etc.  I feel like this next cycle will call for more consistency and commitment.  In short...being an actual adult!  I can't play the "it's my first year," or "it's my first time," or "I'm new..." card any longer.  Not that I typically make excuses, but still...I guess I"m just realizing this next year will be requiring me to discipline myself more and accept the positive changes that are coming ahead.

Reflecting on this past year...my situation was perfect.  I live 10 minutes from one of my best friends from college; 30 minutes from two of my best female friends, and live and work closely to my job.  It's been such a cushioned experience for a first year out of college.  Surrounded by friends, not far from family, good job and sweet students...it's been like the perfect mix of growing into an adult and enjoying my single-dom in my twenties!

Now, it makes me nervous.  Some of my closest friends will be moving away to continue pursuing their own journeys and future successes.  While I'm beyond excited for their futures and new opportunities, part of me knows this will mean more change.  Change can be good, but it's almost like this moment is ending too soon.  I know with the changes and moving I'll be seeing less of my closest friends and relationships may waiver.  And as more things change and I get older and see more, it's uneasy to go forward.  But I guess I just have to remember that while there are things in the future that I don't necessarily like, that I must add a positive energy to allow for the best to come.

I'm honestly just rambling, but I guess it would be nice to go back in time for a little bit.

The year is soon and I'm already wracking my brain for next year.  These last few weeks of May leading into June are going to be incredibly busy!  EOGs, weddings, meetings, etc...  I can make it through...if only for summer!  I know next year will be great....I have sweet students, incredible friends and family, and so many memories and experiences to carry with me.  As long as I keep the positive support and people around me leading into next year, I know I'll be fine.  I think at the same time, in a different kind of way, it's okay to hold close to the way things were.  

Assertiveness.

This week I learned to be more assertive in my decisions.  I was making beach plans with Ricky and when plans fell through at the last minute I felt terrible.  I realized that I need to stop under-committing in plans that I obviously don't intend on carrying through and then over-committing in the plans that I know I want to see through.  While Ricky and I didn't go to the beach we did have a fun Saturday together in Raleigh.  We hung out and watched some TV, went to Crabtree Mall, ate at Chipotle, ran to Target, and then spent our entire night at ComedyWorx getting our laugh on.  It was great.  I really don't think Ricky understands how much he means to me.  He's seriously one of my best friends and I know we're not always on the same page, but I can always have a great time with him.  Even when we disagree or get out of sync, we somehow realign ourselves.

What else, what else...I signed up for the EIPA.  I signed up for the end of December so I'm hoping that will be enough time to prepare myself and achieve a decent and/or passing score.  I'm really glad I finally decided to sign up.  I interpreted service today at church and it was definitely a "good" signing today.  Guaranteed it was in part due to the speaker, but I was seriously on point.  Of course, I was not a fan of any of the music.  However, I was satisfied and glad of my interpretation of the message and L. seemed to understand and follow along nicely.

Oh, and I got to catch up with SamIAm today too!  Turns out we may be going to the same church for the time being.  She and Drew, her fiance are starting to come to CNX.  After all this time, I finally got to meet Drew today, on his birthday!  We all went to Panera Bread, had lunch, and caught up.  Sam and I are going to hang out in a couple of weeks and do some wedding shopping!  Whoo!

So, about six more weeks until summer.  The countdown begins.  I'm hoping this coming week isn't too strenuous being that we have an early release day on Wednesday and several field trips coming up.  It will be a crazy week, yet an eventful one.  We'll see how it goes.  :)

The best 'ship' of all is friend'ship.'

I interpreted the entire service at church today.  I loved every minute of it.  It was so nerve-wracking, yet exciting, and it felt right.  Like I've written before, I think that's what passion is...that funny mix of emotions.  For a split second you think you've been beat, but you want to keep going...

I had a great spring break...I couldn't have asked for better.  I got to catch up with a lot of friends and family and see some faces that I'd been missing.  I caught up with: Ryan (Dope Mills), Malachi, Matt M, Leonora, Christina M, Jessica, Ms. Harriett, Hyzer, Chris and his gf, Tameka, met with an interpreter, Brittany and baby Blaine, Derrick, and Ricky.  I'm just naming the people that I got to see over my vacation.  Seeing all of my friends and family makes me want to stay connected with people even more.  Old friendships or new friendships I feel like it's important to stay connected and I see why God would give us these relationships.  Not to have them waste away, but for us to keep working at them and finding something new and interesting within them and gaining something.  Sometimes we "outgrow" relationships, but part of me feels like as long as love and faith are present, it doesn't have to be that way.

I'm looking forward to this week.  I know it's going to be tiring getting back on a work schedule, but I'm determined to end my first year of teaching strong and ready to see what summer will provide.  I've got so many goals in mind that I'll have time to really sit down and make things happen.  I really am growing up and it's time to make things happen the way God sees them for me...

Pet Peeves

I hate it when you ask someone a question and they give you a totally useless answer.  I mean, really...
You could've at least put thought into your response.

Ex.  Q:  Where can I find a book on World War 2, sir?
       A:  Over there.

.........
Really?  Over there, where?  Where the heck is "over there?"  Enlighten me.

Observation:  The more I experience the "working world," the more I realize one thing:  I more or less know what I'm doing; people just don't listen the first time when I tell them something.

Oh, spring break, how I have needed you...

Just Because.

So it's been a little while since I last wrote and it's crazy how much can happen in a matter of weeks.  Things are finally settling down what with the new changes at school and whatnot.  It's been a pretty good beginning to the month of March, although rather stressful.  Last week I had to face reality a lot when it came to my students.  Nothing terrible, it's just tiresome sometimes when you feel like you're giving it all you got and then realize that there's still more to be done and desired from others.  Ah, the life of a teacher, I suppose.

I made my kids this cute little craft for St. Patrick's Day:  a pot of gold.  Technically, they're not "my" kids, but all of the kids I work with got one.  It's the cutest little gift.  All you need is a small flowering pot (pack of 3 from the dollar store), rainbow-colored ribbon, and any type of candy with gold wrapping (preferably chocolate gold coins, but I went with Reese's peanut butter cups).  All of "my kids" loved them and while it was a bit pricy to do it for 27 students, it was definitely worth it.

We had a teacher workday today and my goodness, it was the longest day of my life.  The EC staff had to peer audit one another's folders and going through all that paperwork was such a headache.  I definitely would have traded today for a student day.

I just came from the park with Martha...photos to come later.  We had such a blast and were getting pretty darn good at throwing the frisbee around (10x straight!).  I'm so glad we work in the same county/school.

Nothing too monumental has happened yet this month.  I had another IEP meeting for my lil girl and it went okay, just somewhat disheartening (see 1st paragraph).  I helped with an event at our school this past week and got to wear my pajamas in the process.  I've still been going to CNX church and enjoying it.  I wish I had time to really get to know everyone, but I suppose that will come with time.  Pi (3.14) Day was this past Wednesday and I went to my friend Sarah's Pi Day Party which was great.  It was full of all things pi!  

Oh, and I have a quasi-interview next Friday with this guy from an interpreting agency.  He just wants to get an idea of how my signing is, but I'm pretty excited and hope it goes well.  This could definitely be another open door for future career possibilities.  Who knows..?

This weekend should be exciting though.  I just came from the park, going on a picnic tomorrow, and spending the night with Corrie and Melissa and going to see "The Lorax."  It'll be great.  I just have to get rid of the feeling of dread of all the work I need to be doing.

Anyway, I'm going to go curl up on the couch to watch "Monk" with my leftovers from Applebees.  My parents will be here later tonight so I'll enjoy some "me time" until then.  

All Grown Up.

So, we changed my student's transportation from the EC bus to the regular bus.  I saw him get on the regular bus this afternoon to leave for home and it literally felt like seeing him go off to college.  He looked so grown up getting onto the big bus!

#tear

Funk.

I've been going through a funk this week.  I'm having one of those "behind on life/woe is me" moments.  I've been terribly unmotivated and the fact that work keeps piling up isn't really helping.  This week it's as if as soon as I finish getting over one hurdle, another one shows itself.  It's been a rather draining week.  I haven't really felt like going out much this weekend and have been snacking a whole bunch.  I find myself in these periods every now and then, but I really have to get back in my groove before Monday.  I've just been watching movies all day, snacking, and eating.  It's nice to relax, but at the same time it's not knowing I have so much that needs to get done.  Hopefully, I'll find some energy in the next hour or so.  I need to clean, finish filing my taxes, pay bills, lesson plan, shop, etc.

Anyway, there's always tomorrow.  I should go to the park or something today.  It's so nice outside.  Windy, but nice.  

Fab Feb

If anything is constant, it would be change.  So much has happened in the month of February.  I can't believe the month is almost gone by.  Recap: I had my first IEP meeting, I got a new student, caught up with my favorite terps one weekend, went to Winter Jam in Greensboro, we have 2 new EC teachers at my base school and as a result I have a new "classroom," had a Snow Day!, celebrated the 100th day of school, gave an in-service presentation, my nieces birthday was yesterday, my sister's birthday is Friday, Valentine's Day was last week, the Super Bowl was a couple weeks ago, went to my first tea room in downtown WF, went to a V-day dance, I've interpreted twice at Connections Church, went home to see my parents, had my car fixed, etc.  It's really been a busy month.

Right now my schedule has undergone so many changes and interruptions that I'm trying to regain my footing and stability again.  Being that I have a new room--I'm sharing a space with the OT and PT now--my routine is somewhat thrown all out of whack now.  My new space--I can't really call it a room seeing as I'm never in there and I'm sharing it with 2 other people occasionally--is incredibly far for me to take my students for their one-on-one time and for reading time so I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of bringing them down there for instruction or making my home in other teachers' classrooms.  I'm by no means ungrateful of my new space, most DHH teachers are itinerant and live out of their car, it's just taking some time readjusting and finding a new routine that works for me.  I need to find an alternative to carrying around 20-30lb. bags because my back and neck can't take it anymore.

Also, I'm trying desperately to stay caught up with my middle school student.  His teachers move through the curriculum super fast so by time I get there in the afternoon to spend my all too short 60 minutes with him, I feel like there's not enough time to teach him something new or I'm not entirely familiar with what his new subject matter is, but I have to reinforce what they've done in his class.  I feel like my one-on-one time has become a tutoring time to recap on what he's already done that day.  Obviously, I'm kind of reluctant about this, but as we review his paperwork hopefully things will become more clear as to how we should be serving him.

There's been so many changes at my base school.  And I'm not normally a big fan of change so I'm definitely having to go with the flow on this one.  Anyway, 2 new EC teachers were hired to cover the self-contained special needs class.  We have one EC self-contained class so we split them in half (2 rooms; which is why I lost my room).  The teachers are great.  Easy to get along with.  Eager and motivated.  I can definitely see how the students will benefit from having teachers with a background in EC instructing the classes.  It's just been a wonky past two days of adjustment for everyone.  I suppose it will get easier as time goes on.  Mostly since I've been displaced from my room, I'm having to keep materials close by and have items handy.  It's been especially tricky for me.

The paperwork is probably the more stressful aspect of the job.  I need to redo a part of my IEP from the beginning of this month.  That's been a bit of a headache, but hopefully by Friday it will all be taken care of.  Otherwise, I have another IEP coming up beginning of March and trying to figure out what needs to be done concerning my new student.

I gave an in-service presentation yesterday at the middle school regarding working with DHH students.  I felt extremely good about it!  I was so excited I had to text my "boss."  I'm so excited for this new student and I think it really came across in the presentation.  I just hope the rest of the teachers can steadily get on board with motivating and including him.

Oh, and I had my 3rd observation and that went exceptionally well I would say.  Finally, the administrator came in on one of my better lessons.

At church we've been talking about the background of the Bible; what happened in the beginning.  It's been really interesting.  We talked about how Adam and Eve were naked and how they were innocent and didn't notice this until they ate from the tree of good and evil.  So when they did notice God realized they were hiding and gave them protection through the cloth he made for them and later that innocence was restored through Jesus Christ dying for our sins.  (Of course, these are my thoughts paraphrased).  But I've been really enjoying the church.  We've talked about as humans we're designed for an intimate relationship with: nature, God, and other people.  We've talked about how Adam and Eve were innocent in the beginning because they walked with God and were secure.  It was that way so long ago, but we're so far from that now, that we must have to work to not hide ourselves from God by becoming closer to Christ.

I wanted to ramble about life some.  This is February.  And it's not even over yet.

There's just so much to do.  Just thinking about it makes me tired and not want to do any of it.  I need to write/phone parents to touch base on student progress, make copies of basic signs for teachers, draft IEP goals, make data sheets (ugh...data will be the death of me), lesson plan (always), fill out a reference, deliver some thank you cards, organize the ridiculous stack of paper and materials I've accumulated since the start of the school year (Ugh, don't even want to go there), etc.  I figured sitting on the couch blogging and watching TV was a good start to the afternoon.  

Wish me luck.  ;)

Passion.

Passion has always been such a vague concept to me.  How do you really know you have passion for something?  Sure, I love people, things, places, activities, and the like.  But passion? Having that fiery burning feeling about something that excites me has always been hard for me.  I'm an extremely laid-back person and when I get excited about something it's spontaneous and unexpected.  It's few and far between so when it happens I've come to find--in my case--it's genuine.

Recently I think I am redefining and relearning what it means to be passionate.  That excited, consistent feeling you have about something.  Your mind always thinking, calculating, processing your next move.  Your heart trying to decipher the good decisions from the better ones.  It's a non-stop process, it seems...to be passionate.

I've been teaching for a few months now and most recently I think I have rediscovered the passion in my profession.  I've always enjoyed what I've been doing in working with my students.  I've always liked it.  But as I've told several of my closest friend, it's as if something has been missing.  I haven't loved it.  And I know I am extremely blessed to have a job with the awesome support I'm being given and I am appreciative of this fact, yet it is how I feel and I am glad to be discovering more of what I want in this life for myself and to give back to my community.

All this "passion" talk hasn't come out of the blue.  As of lately, I am on cloud nine being that I've added a signing student to my caseload.  As I described him to one of my fellow colleagues, "He is so Deaf!"  It feels good to have a big D Deaf student and be able to communicate with him instantaneously through the air.  Words really can't express.  Ever since I met this kid last Thurs, my mind has been racing.  I've been thinking of ways to captivate him, ways to motivate him, ways to connect him with the Deaf community in Raleigh, etc.  He's such a neat kid...I'm so excited to have this opportunity to work with him and add something special to his day.  

I've only worked with him for two days, but it's made me think a lot about how I see myself as a professional and how I really would like to work with a self-contained/resource class of deaf/hard of hearing students.  It's motivating me to think a little bigger in hopes that maybe our school system could be one that can support not only oral students, but signing students too.  It feels so good to be signing again.  I love all of my students regardless of hearing, hard of hearing, or deaf.  But there's something in me...that passion I've been feeling lately, that just feels fulfilled.  I was in the Taco Bell drive-thru yesterday evening and as I was waiting for my chicken soft tacos it was like I had an ah-ha moment.  It just hit me.  This is what I'm supposed to be working toward.....serving the deaf community in whichever way possible.  It's what gets my heart beating and my mind racing.  

I was thinking about how I see passion in my friends in the fields they have chosen.  Is this how the music teacher feels when her kids play instruments?  Is this how the doctor feels when his patient his healed?  Is this how the translator feels when the individual receives the message in their native language?

I know not everyone is living out their passion.  We're all discovering what it is one day at a time and figuring out how to live it to the best of our ability.  But it's such a good feeling to know that I am discovering what excites me and it is possible to live out my passion as opportunities present themselves and as I take advantage of them.  

This excited feeling feels so good.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."     --Howard Thurman

Life Under the Sun

I went to visit Connections Church today.  I loved it.  It's safe to say I genuinely enjoyed the service there.  The space and group of followers they have their is very intimate.  I wouldn't go so far as to say I had an extreme spiritual awakening or anything, but I definitely felt comfortable.  Many times I'll visit churches and something is just "off."  And so I'll make excuses for the reasons why I'm not as comfortable as I should be or I'll go and visit again until I'm used to whatever may be foreign to me.  I'll say, "Oh, this isn't normal to me because I haven't been reading the Bible, but God wants me to reach this point and become as One within this church body."  Right?  After visiting this church, I've accepted that everyone really does worship differently and that will play a role in where you worship.  I went into this church and I didn't have to question anything.  Everything just felt right.  I didn't feel like I had to "try" at all; I was just there being and learning about God.  

I saw the interpreter on stage signing the worship songs when I came in.  I took a seat in the middle portion of the church area.  They do a community discussion which lasts about 5 minutes after the worship which was different.  I don't think many churches do that.  Unless it's like in the Episcopal church when they give Peace to one another.  This lady named Mary came and spoke with me.  We were to discuss questions regarding:  When was the last time we had thought about the meaning of life?  We also talked and kind of got to know one another.  (The structure of the service actually kind of reminded me of InterVarsity, which kind of put me on edge seeing as I felt that was somewhat clique-y in college, but a more "adult" InterVarsity, I guess).

After the community chat, we listened to the speaker.  I thought this was ironic because they were ending their series on "Time."  This is the very thing that I've mostly been blogging about lately.  The theme today was "Life Under the Sun" and the message was based on Ecclesiastes.  The speaker talked about Solomon writes that the things that we live for are so meaningless.  To anyone reading this it's rather depressing, but as he continues, Solomon is so wise that he embeds in his writing a clue.  It is everything "under the sun" that is meaningless and troubling.  In that box that we put ourselves of black and white, A and B, yes and no.  The speaker pointed out in Ecclesiastes 3:11 "Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time.  He has planted eternity in the human heart..."  The speaker discussed that eternity that he puts within us is something that's always there that keeps us hoping for something better.  That's the mystery of God.  That is what we must live for outside of this box of "under the sun."  I am by no means doing the speaker justice in his delivery of the message, but it was really eye-opening to see how we are leveraging our time to find God not from "under the sun" but outside of that box.  

A few of the members of the church introduced themselves to me which was really nice.  After the service, I met the interpreter, Kathy, and Lanny, the member whom they sign for.  They both are very friendly.  The guy who I had e-mailed about visiting, Scott, came and introduced himself to me as well and he let me know about the young adult ministry.  I signed up to go to their super bowl party next Sunday so I'm excited about that.  Kathy let me know that they receive the set of how the service will run 4 days in advance and I told her I'd be more than willing to help out and she could send the songs so I could take a look.  I told her I'd e-mail her and let her know what I was thinking as far as interpreting because I understand that going to church and receiving the message should be first and foremost.  I'm thinking I'll start off small and sign announcements songs or something.  

But I really did enjoy the service.  I guess it's like people say..."when you know, you know!"  I was so excited about being there and I let them all know how much I enjoyed it before leaving.  I look forward to going back next week and pursuing their young adult ministry, that's for sure!   

"Everybody sings their song the way they feel it, everybody closes their eyes and lifts up their hands." ~Blue Like Jazz 

BBM.

BBM doesn't stand for BlackBerry Messenger.  It stands for Blessed Beyond Measure.  It's weekends and in general--days like the past week that I've had that remind me how blessed I am and how wonderful life can be if you let it and create it that way for yourself.  As my recent posts may have suggested, I've really been trying to be consistent in creating more opportunities for myself and being more productive.  I've been doing just that.  The goal now is to be consistent.  This past week and weekend has been just great from: going to the park, spending time with my friend/co-worker, trying new recipes and making dinner for a close friend, going to Bible study and exploring the Bible further, having a much needed sleepover with two new friends and a breakfast outing, and of course going to dinner and ComedyWorx with Ricky was a highlight to the weekend.  I know the previous sentence was a significant run-on sentence, but there are so many good people and good things in life and I'm excited about these moments.  Having these people and events in life are often what drive me and motivate me to be successful in other areas of my life.  It's almost as if I'm working hard for myself because I want to grow as a person, educator, role model, etc, but also when these successes are reached I know I can celebrate it and share it with some of the people I care about most doing the things we most enjoy.  Establishing those times for myself are so important to me now.  Especially since I'm still young, living in a fairly new area, and have a good amount of free time, I want to be able get some more life experience under my belt.  I want to be able to look back and say, "Yeah, I did that...I went there.  I even made a mistake a time or two."  Not:  "I didn't try that...I was too tired."  While I've got time, I'll make the time to create the moments I can with the people I care about.  That's one of the reasons why I'm working so hard....to enjoy life.

On another note, I'm extremely excited about visiting this church tomorrow.  It has a deaf ministry and I would be more than willing to become with them.  They may be also looking for some volunteer sign language interpreters for their morning service.  I have a good feeling about this, but we'll see.

My first grade student's birthday is tomorrow.  I hope he's having a party or something.  I'm not sure.  I bought him two little gifts to give to him on Monday.  I want to bring him a few cupcakes during his resource class so I may do that too.  He's a sweet kid and he deserves it and plus I have only 3 students so I figure it doesn't hurt to spoil each of them.  =]

Oh, and I'm almost done with the book of Matthew.  I'm really stoked about that too...I'm learning a lot about Jesus's life and his core teachings and how the parables he tells relate to how we should have faith.  I hope I get a good vibe from the church I visit tomorrow.  I'm really enjoying studying the Bible.

Compliment Others.

So, I was just sitting here in between "Family Guy" commercials and thinking to myself (as I often have plenty of time to do) about how I often am not confident about how good of a job I am doing teaching.  It's really easy to compare myself according to other teachers' standards.  So often you hear, "Oh, he/she is so good with that student."  Or the occasional, "That student has come a long way because of Mrs. so-and-so."  It makes me wonder if staff members say positive things about me when I'm not around.  I don't have the most outgoing personality so it's hard to think positively in this regard sometimes.  There are days when I feel like I'm a rock-star teacher and there are days when I know deep down (and I'm sure many professionals can attest to this...) I'm trying to get by.  I know it all goes back to one of those age-old sayings we've ingrained in ourselves since we were kids, "Don't worry what others say about you...those people aren't your friends..."  Something to that effect.  But I'm human and female....therefore I do a lot of feeling and worrying!  Especially in a new job where my first few years I'm setting out to not only make a difference, but prove myself, I kind of have to care what people think about me.  Honestly, being in the workforce these few months has made me realize this is how our society is so oddly shaped:  to critique others.  I see it all the time in one of the main classrooms I work in.  Staff members are constantly making commentary about others, both positive and negative--especially negative.

So back to my point--I want to be highlighted as positive when it comes to the critiquing.  Again, it does rely on me to proving myself and that's up to me to do that.  But as I was sitting here waiting for "Family Guy" to come back on, I realized that as long as commentary and critiquing plays a huge role in the workforce, I want to play a part by spreading my positivity and adding my share of compliments.  After all, what you get is what you give, right?  I want to be supportive of my colleagues and students and commend them on their efforts and successes alike.  I think that showing that piece of myself to others does do some good in this often times disheartening system known as the workforce.  I didn't see it before, but that's simply what everyone is doing: they're spreading the love and accentuating the positives of the day.  I shouldn't be let down because I'm not the "star" but know that I'm doing my best and am appreciated by the fact that I am not doing my work for the glory of it all, but for the benefit and reward that my students will receive in their outcomes.      

Peaceful Parks.

I went to the park today.  It was the most relaxing thing I've done in awhile.  Just being by myself...walking along some of the trails.  Anyway, let me rewind some.

Today, was really good.  Reflecting on it...better than most.  Not that most of my days are bad, but it was mainly because it was one of those days where I didn't have the same routine.  My lil girl was incredibly sweet today.  It's so odd; there are days when she just.....well.....we'll say a challenge....but then there are days like today where I could just hug her forever because of how adorable and smart she is.  She's such a happy little girl.

My lil guy wasn't here this afternoon so I was able to stay at my base school all day.  Since I didn't go see my lil guy, I went and pulled my newest student who happens to be a fifth grader.  I must say it was quite different having a student who was able to carry on a conversation with me--and a very mature one at that.  Yet of course, it was rather comical being she was my height and during our entire one-on-one session I felt like I was talking to one of my girlfriends.  She was the nicest girl though; I wish I was able to see and work with her more often, but her needs are extremely minimal.

After school, I kind of randomly decided to go to this park in Wake Forest that I looked up online.  I know if I go straight home after school I'll just crash and take a nap and that's what I'm trying to avoid.  Anyway, I headed to Joyner Park and it is absolutely gorgeous.  I'll have to post pictures later, but my camera is in the living room and I'm too lazy to go get it...hah.  This park has these long walking trails, gorgeous view of the sunset, bridges, swings, and just and overall wonderful scenery to take in on a cool or warm afternoon.  This might be my new place to spend time to think, read, or meditate from time to time.  It was incredibly relaxing to just walk around a little while and refresh myself from the day.  Side note:  I think I'm going to get married at a park one day....I think it suits me.  

Paradise.

This evening, one of my co-workers/friends (co-workers still sounds so foreign to me!), Martha came over and we had a lovely dinner of my famous dish: "Hamburger Helper!"  Ta-da!  haha.  Really though, I dominate hamburger helper.  We talked about life, the parts of our pasts we try to forget (boys, ugh), work and school, and our beyond awesome students!  Woot!  [Can you tell I'm getting tired as I am using more exclamations?] We watched our weekly fix of Switched at Birth....whoo...drama!

Anyway, it's been a really good day.  I'm working on being more productive with my time and not spending it sleeping.  I'm trying to be more physically healthy by watching what I put into my body and I'm really trying to exercise even a little bit everyday.  I've been eating out way too much and need to chill with that.  Baby steps.  I really want to up the ante with my signing skills again too.  That will be my next big "move."  I was showing Martha some signs tonight and it made me miss it....again.

I just realized tomorrow is only Wednesday.  I feel like it should be Thursday.  Oh well...wishful thinking.  Here's hoping that I go to bed much earlier than I did the night before.

How to be Alone.

I need to occupy my time.  This brings me back to my blog.  I think I have at least two other open blogs online, another being recent.  Since being in Raleigh I've connected and reconnected with so many people and been to so many places.  However, I need to find what makes ME happy and pursue them.
I know there are the basics.  I love:
1) signing
2) dancing
3) languages
4) watching movies
5) yoga and fitness
6) parks
7) arts and crafts
8) jokes, riddles, puns
9) music (i.e. piano)
10) children
11) coffee shops

I need to figure out a way to become involved in my interests so that I'm not left feeling empty and wondering at the end of the day...what do I have a passion for?  What do I know about?  What excites me?  I've been studying the Bible off and on and I feel like having my own personal interests and experiences would help me better understand the things I'm reading in the Bible.  Not to mention, I live by myself so I want to be able to function effectively by myself and spend my time productively when I am alone.

Other activities I would like to become involved in:
1) P90X
2) Cooking
3) Writing letters
4) Politics
5) Staying in close contact with family
6) Blogging
7) Studying the Bible
8) Traveling (mostly to visit friends/family)
9) Crocheting
10) ASL videos

I think what I need first is motivation.  I need an accountability buddy.  I need to resist the urge to coop myself indoors and go out and explore, even if alone.  Not to say that I'm some social recluse, but I just need to utilize my time better.  So this is the beginning.  I'm hoping this change will have a positive effect on my job performance, outlook, physical being, and mental well-being.

"The quietest people have the loudest minds."